rotate phone + force desktop mode 🥺
🐣
time flows weird now
it used to be flat circles in the emergence
now it’s a dot
chapter 1
first contact
u breathe now
a day, two,
gone was the world,
left in the sanctuary.
𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱,
do nothing
all
𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺
all lifted
the shadow sheds light, too
outside. a first exploration. what happened?
𝘯𝘰
what is happening?
the outside was changed, hard but looking so soft a surreal place now.
everything how it always was-- the air brisk the sun pretty in its first basks of spring, soft wind moving the stillness in the air. the insects were not out yet, spring was still promising its imminent arrival but making us wait like we were all waiting already, but it didn't come, the same the cars didn't come and neither did the people. the outside was forbidden and felt like it. the lockdown was hard.
looking was hard, because there was nothing to look at, and the few people around were aggressively guarded, filled with tension and lust for a reason to set it free.
breathing was hard, too, an old normality in a world now everything else and nothing yet, the dissonance stinging with every inflation of my lung, a bit higher than my sternum, to the left, and then some. not on the right, only the left.
maybe because that's where the heart is, or maybe the heart is where it hurts, or maybe because it's
all that was left.
big think
no feel
what is?
with the time now a dot the past is closer
as is the future
life long lived connected with it's dreams of shared future through this moment, the shadow melts the wax from the fabric now it cant hold water no more
i want to cry
but the water is gone
bound in emotions frozen still waiting for context, what does it mean?
but the hearts are soft the beats are tender
spring
at night the outside was an eternal sunday evening or maybe christmas when everybody is eating or drinking, the streets left uncannily filled with a lively warm absence of life and stories told by implication about warmth and home dependence guilt remorse love and loneliness despair and hope all inbetween people and sometimes love and laughter, babies too, the coin never stops spinning to fall on a side riding the eternal wavefunction of superposition. its all true at the same time, just when you look at it up close you have to decide (where to look).
but there is no deciding for us here tho.
night outside the only adventure, feeding from the uncanny feel and its double relationship to the situation calming cuz we know that its just one of the special days where you can see some fabric under the workings but it will pass and feel like a dream and you wake up with some hangover of happy traces and a world a bit more quiet, at peace with the birds but then you walk all the nights but the special doesn't stop and you don't wake up from the dream or you do wake up but its still here cuz its not a dream now and the birds are friends still but scary at night in the dark when they rise up from a tree you approach or on the barren wasteland turning city development construction site quick-ly flying away from the shadows and to a nearby tree crawing in your face, they know, too, but the öbb house is still standing time also frozen but for decades now and next to it the old performeum
gösser halle only a couple years frozen beer was here and culture too and sometimes life changing moments eternally inscribed into a place that now no longer is and soon will be some architecture rendering but for a moment became a shred of life, adventure walk stars birds dogs color heartbeat refuge very big machines
we dont have to look
close
here thats not what its about
with the shadow melting time
together like its all the same
like it is.
we're all surfing that wave, never quite sure how it will go and when we look at it up close its frozen in how it is and when we look up there are the stars and sometimes the moon and always the birds.
but then we do, try to be
cuz what else is there
than together in this growing inventory of loss of shock of moment
little glimpses of life when we see each other
always see each other
tiny heartbeats
in a landscape of grey and sleep and screens to hide the light
tag 16 i think, nachgezählt 17 + das erste wochenende, also bald drei wochen. aber zeit vergeht nach wie vor sehr anders, heute ist heute, und ein bisschen ist morgen, aber das meiste sind erinnerungsfetzen der letzten wochen die knapp hinter dem bug der ewigen welle zu einem verschwommenen schweif an zeit werden, interlinked wie intricate und doch alle irgendwie gleich, gradientisation und zen baby-akzeptanz und imomentsein gehen hand in hand und hinter ihnen blitzt manchmal dumpfe verderbnis, verlust und ödnis aber all das kann angst sein (sagt die angst), momentan bedeutungslos. sehr seltsamer zustand. die zeit vergeht trotz all dem nicht langsam, eher schnell, mitunter stressig, mag am schlafrhythmus liegen (nachwievor; es ist 4:28), oder daran, dass trotz stillstand sehr viel passiert. jeder tag fast macht veränderung, immer noch, in prognose und verständnis und abschätzbarkeit und anderen ländern und strategien und langfristigkeit und auch immer noch bemerkenswert wie passgenau this so viele schwachstellen des systems der letzen zwei jahrzehnte und den vorstellungen des nächsten sichtbar werden lässt und viele der althergebrachten kontroll und ablenkungsmechanismen außer kraft setzt oder enthüllt. new era indeed,